


my love is your love

by ithilien22



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Episode: s03e01 On Infernal Ground, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 13:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14081748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/pseuds/ithilien22
Summary: Turns out Magnus has a little more to say after they get home from their date. But then, so does Alec. (Post ep 3x01)





	my love is your love

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: spoilers for the season three premiere.
> 
> haven't written anything new in ages and this is just fluffy crap without any substance or purpose, but basically there's new content on my screen and i'm living!! also, i took liberties with idris/alicante/alec's youth bc the show hasn't given us a lot to go on in that respect so if i get something wrong my bad. (note: this does not apply to book!canon bc idgaf)

Magnus sighs, rolling onto his own pillow - just far enough away to give himself some respite from the heat radiating off of Alec's body, but not so far that he can't still hear his soft, controlled breaths as both their hearts start to calm. Magnus has always loved this part the most, basking in the hazy afterglow, thoroughly sated and at peace. 

But this time the feeling doesn't warm him the way it usually does. Honestly, he'd initiated sex as soon as they got home partially hoping it would put his traitorous mind to rest, at least for a hour or so. But his thoughts are still whirling away even now, brutal and unrelenting.

"Magnus?" Alec's soft voice tugs at him even before his hands do. "Is everything alright?"

Magnus turns back to face him, willing a genuine smile onto his features.

"Mmm. Try fantastic," he reponds playfully, but Alec's brow furrows.

"Didn't we just talk about this?" he asks. "Why are you still hiding from me?"

"A better question: how can you always tell?" Magnus mutters, a little petulantly even to his own ears. It works in his favor though, as Alec grins and pushes their shoulders back together.

"You put your glamour back up for one," he says, eyebrow arched in challenge. And oh, Magnus feels like an idiot. He hadn't even realized. 

He drops it again and Alec's smile turns soft. He reaches out and cups Magnus's face.

"There you are."

Magnus's heart flutters, even as the pit in his stomach grows more pronounced. He closes his eyes briefly to steel himself.

"I meant what I said about not wanting you to leave," he says. He opens his eyes just as Alec's hand falls away again, his eyes clouding in confusion. "But I also hate the idea of you giving up something you want - you've dreamed of - for me."

"That's not-" Alec starts to say, but now that Magnus has started, he needs to finish.

"I'm just saying that you don't have to choose. I'll still be here no matter what. We can figure out a way if this is what you want, Alexander."

Alec just huffs in response, running an agitated hand through his sweat-slicked hair. When he looks back at Magnus he almost looks angry for a moment, but then it settles into something closer to exasperation. He raises his eyes toward the ceiling as if to ask Raziel for - well, Magnus doesn't know. Patience to deal with someone like Magnus? Clarity to help him see the right path?

"I always used to hate Idris," Alec says and the words take Magnus by enough surprise that it's a moment before he realizes they're still being spoken at the ceiling. "I grew up there, you know, until my parents got the New York assignment, and even then I was back almost immediately to train at the academy in Alicante. I mean hate is- I'm. Maybe that's overstating a bit, but it was like. Claustrophobic? It felt like everyone in the entire city knew each other, knew my parents. Like even the smallest action was on display for everyone's view and judgement."

He finally lowers his eyes back to Magnus then, seeming to search his face. He must not find what it is he's looking for because he huffs another frustrated sigh.

"It's like- okay, there was one night in New York where I ended up soloing some ravener demons in the subway tunnels and then jumping one of the trains afterwards to get a head start back to the institute. And there was this couple, these guys. It was like 2 am so they must've been coming back from a mundane club or something, but the one guy had his arm around the other, had him tucked into his chest. No one else in the car was paying any attention to them at all, but I couldn't take my eyes off of them."

Magnus reaches out for Alec's hand and Alec takes it with a small, grateful smile, squeezing it softly. 

"I remember thinking, 'this isn't Alicante'," Alec continues, "that maybe I could- that I could go to a mundane club and, I don't know. Get it out of my system, I guess is how I thought about it back then. But then part of me wondered if that would be worse, you know? Because then I would _know_. I would have those memories with me all the time."

Magnus knows those feelings all too well, even if it's been centuries since they had any real hold on him. He gives Alec's hand another squeeze. Alec looks down at their entwined hands for a moment, and then back up at Magnus.

"I'm not making any sense, am I?" he asks. 

"No, I understand," Magnus responds, because he knows only too well that fear of rejection. "You're worried Alicante may not be as welcoming to you now. But Alexander, if that were true, they would have just offered the job to someone else. They saw exactly what I see - the strength of leadership you've shown, your bravery and loyalty, your ability to make tough decisions. You-"

"No, that's - you're not hearing me, Magnus," Alec cuts him off, tugging him closer again. 

"This idea you have that this is a lifelong dream I'm giving up or something, that isn't- that wasn't ever my dream, Magnus. Those guys on the subway - that's what I dreamt about. Gaining favor with the Clave, moving up the ranks - those were things I wanted because I knew my job was all I was allowed to have. Before I met you, there wasn't any version of my life that had a happy ending."

Magnus stomach clenches at that, rebelling against the very thought.

"You're giving me too much credit," he says. "If you hadn't met me, you still would've found your path, one way or another. I have every faith in that."

"Maybe," Alec concedes, "but the point is that I did meet you and everything in my life changed for the better. I don't want to move to Idris, Magnus. I never did."

Magnus feels the insecurities crowding his mind start to quiet at Alec's declaration. 

"Do you know," Magnus asks him, "that you have a knack for stating the most heartfelt, romantic things in the frankest way possible?"

He watches in amused adoration as spots of color bloom high on Alec's cheekbones and he ducks his head into the pillow.

"Shut up," he whines. Then, "I love you."

Magnus smiles, his heart feeling lighter than it has in days, months even, since before the brief separation that he hopes will never be repeated.

"I love you too," he tells Alec, drawing him out from the pillow for a soft kiss.

Alec pulls away from the kiss with a smile that's almost blinding, reaching up to cup Magnus's face again, a picture of awe. 

"How could I ever want to be anywhere you're not?" he murmurs, voice almost reverent. Magnus feels the sincerity in Alec's words all the way down to his toes. 

He supposes some part of him will always be preparing for Alec to leave, he's come to accept that as the price of his immortality. But for now, lying in bed with the man that he loves, he thinks he might be ready to let go of some of his fears. This time is different. _Alexander_ is different. 

"I love you," Alec says again, like he just can't say it enough.

And Magnus believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](https://ithilien-writes.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
